~

It's cold.

Brother Luke

L: so why dont you sleep more?
A: dont get tired at night
A: need to listen to music
A: cant do anything otherwise
L: you dont want to do anything - you need to get so bored you fall asleep
A: LOL maybe
L: ask mrs johnson if you can borrow some of her movies
A: HAHAHHAHAHAHHA SO TRUE !
A: i'll remember that
L: please dont actually do that

By the way, sorry about that terrible excuse for a pun that me and George started the other day.
We need to spend some time 'Luking' for something else to say.

We're so sense making.

andrew says (8:13 PM):
Have you ever wondered why the word coincidental has dental in it?
EMILY says (8:13 PM):
Err..
andrew says (8:13 PM):
It doesn't make sense to me
Like
Wtf does it have to do with dental
NOT ONLY THAT, but coin too
EMILY says (8:13 PM):
Yeah its cuz
Someone got a coin stuck in their mouth
And theyre like OMG how coincidental
andrew says (8:14 PM):
BECAUSE THEY CHEWED IT
AND CRUSHED THEIR TEETH
AND NEEDED DENTAL WORK
I GET IT NOW
Yay awesome analogy bambi high five, it makes sense to me now
EMILY says (8:15 PM):
WOO LOL
were so sense making
andrew says (8:16 PM):
and what does sense come in?
COINS
WOO
EMILY says (8:16 PM):
COINS
How coincidental!

36

Moving onto something new right now but I shall keep this blog if i ever feel the need to post, and for the archives. But don't bother checking it out for now. Laters.

www.testicicles.tumblr.com

Why the fuck do I have nothing to talk about?

Because I've been studying.
Holy fuck.
Maybe i'll get less than five fails this time around.
I doubt it.
Such a darn waste of time.
For those of you who haven't noticed I am writing every sentence on a different line.
This is because it makes my blog look longer and possibly more interesting.
I highly doubt that though.
But.
I am easily amused.
Anyway.
The holidays are almost over ;0.
I don't know whether to be glad or remorseful.
I guess they have been slightly more productive for me than usual, I hope they were the same for you guys.
That sentence took more than one line up.
I'm fucking embarrassed now.
I devised a way to hold and use two pens with one hand.
It works well if you have five fingers, otherwise i'm not sure.
I'll get ET and his magical flying bike and brother Elliott to test it.
ET has four fingers.
I have watched that movie way too many times.
(you can never watch ET too many times).
I have it on DVD and everything.
Actually I own a DVD that is seriously 5 hours film of birds sitting on sticks.
You're supposed to show it to your bird if they're lonely or anything.
I don't know what to be more ashamed of, the fact that I actually bought it thinking it would work or the fact I think my budgie is lonely.
Animals have feelings too yknow.
I would know....
Rather than leaving on a note of bestiality that will just creep people out and keep them away from this blog I shall talk about something else now for a long period of time to wipe your mind rather than deleting that.
My backspace button doesn't work, see.
I'm only joking.
That would be pretty inconvenient for me if it did.
I make enough speeling errors after backspacing and fixing stuff up, imagine what it would be like if they all showed up.
People would think i'm dyslexic.
But i'm not.
I don't think.
Gosh maybe I should get that checked out.
I should really start trailing the net for cool pictures to include here like I sometimes did before. But I can't really beat Ally's 'blending in' picture.
Dangit.
It's first day of term tomorrow.
And.
Summer uniform ;0.
Which is great, I think, because legs like mine don't deserve to be covered up all the time.
Hehehehehe.
Thats right be jealous you.
About what?
I dont know I lost track of what I was talking about.
Haha now that we haven't worn our uniform since term one everyone will come to school dressed all tight and kinky.
Wow aren't I going to enjoy this.
Well that is all for now.
Have a nice 12 hours and 4 minutes before school starts.

SWEET.

Just crossed something new off my list of things to do before I die.
#45- Watch Paris Hilton die.

For those of you who haven't seen the remake of House Of Wax, I urge you all to watch it. It might not be a great movie, with a decent plot or good actors or anything, but my gosh nothing will ever beat the satisfaction of seeing that rusty old pole driven through her thick head. I would show pictures of something but stuff like that would make me look like I'm copying Anna's blog, so I'll leave that for her :D

AND

I'm not the only one who writes cool stories. This is my friend Alex:

yay. who did hello why donkey am cold lick pole on fish sticks in pools of men eating fish babies with giant tomato faces that have loving party animals that will wear your
mothers petticoat fingernail sponge fly over the great barrier men floor of seamen in alot of jamaica grass toppings on lemur tail with very long elbows that like to have icecream flavoured jelly with beans that contemplates their style of their petticoat.

woo. i am the most anxious potato that ever walked the earth of curtains and wore a large sock in suggestive ways that make potatoes think theyre gay with sock children on the large and enormous beer keg that killed 7845672109672309 jacksons in action at the mall of very large orangutan potatoes that make elf hats and wear very large gloves with big encrusted brains that like to have a big party in chains and dragon costumes which look fab.

Sorry to like, ruin all your self confidence or anything, but don't even try and get that good, it ain't gonna happen.

P.S. PANCAKES FUCKING ROCK OKAY I DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO FUCKING ANTI-PANCAKE SHIT EVER BECAUSE IT ISN'T TRUE. STOP LIVING A LIE YOU SILLY PEOPLE. No offense or anything. Have a lovely rest of your holidays. And anyone going to Parra tomorrow I guess I'll see you there. Laters.

I would start this blog with a number but it's holidays so I forget how to count...

I really don't have much to talk about this week. So I am writing a short blog just to let you all know I am still alive. Pity isn't it.

*I need to find a piece to play for my music yearly.. Any suggestions?
*My eye hurts and I don't know why. Maybe I looked at Daniel's blog. JOKES ITS COOL.
*I don't like bowling. Like really. As in beaten by a ten year old who wasn't using bumpers. Yep.
*I like colours quite alot at the moment. ;O They're pretty.
*My nails still have little pink bits here and there from my dodgy acetone job. I'm too scared to rub it on my skin any more hahaha.
*Vanessa chlorinated my one hundred dollar TB shirt and I still haven't washed it.
*I was going to study but then I remembered I still have a soul. I bet that will offend a lot of people hahaha. Nah it's okay to want to do well.

You guys have a nice week. :D

32.

I dont know how I found this...

Ditto

andrew says (4:39 PM):
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
emily ! says (4:39 PM):
:]
HAHA
andrew says (4:39 PM):
On the planet Ybzeoiubsdak
There lived a small boy named Cameron
Cameron was a good little boy
Even though he survived an abortion and was supectedly gay
emily ! says (4:40 PM):
nice name choice
andrew says (4:40 PM):
He was a nice person who liked to help people very much
One day when he was setting the dinner table for his favourite meal, meat loaf and maple syrup
He noticed his mummy had bought some new serviettes
They were white in colour, and had elephant prints on them
Cameron thought these serviettes were the shiz
So he put one in his pocket
After dinner, cameron went to his room
And pulled out the serviette
To his surprise, the elephants had disappeared
This startled Cameron very much
Until out of the corner of his eye
He noticed a small tribe of elephants on the floor
They were happily grazing the his carpet
Cameron found this utterly spectacular!
So he went and called his parents to his room
emily ! says (4:45 PM):
LOL WTF THIS IS TWISTED
HOWD YOU THINK OF THIS
andrew says (4:45 PM):
When they came back, to their dismay, the elephants were dead
Cameron cried as his mummy told him that she accidentally washed his carpet with miniature elephant killing spray the previous day
When Cameron overcome this terrible occurence
He decided he could make some use of these elephants
He coincidentally had a school project
To collect samples of animals thought to be extinct
Throuhg the powerof wikipedia
Cameron found information on these elephants
Turns out they werent actually elephants
They were tadpoles
But yknow
Same difference
Anyway
He pressed the elephant tadpoles with his white pages books and stuck them to paper with sticky tape
The next day as Cameron was walking to school
He noticed there was a rainbow in the sky
The looked up for a moment to admire it
Just like he admired his girlfriend, Emily
While he was doing this
He did not realise he was standing on the road
emily ! says (4:50 PM):
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
andrew says (4:50 PM):
And was suddenly run over by ms biczo's broomstick!
It was terrible
emily ! says (4:50 PM):
CAMERON IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND
andrew says (4:50 PM):
and messy
and everyone was sad
The End
emily ! says (4:50 PM):
NAWWW .
Daniel says (4:50 PM):
that was very long
andrew says (4:50 PM):
thats what he said

I write pro stories.

andrew says (11:48 PM):
okay
once upon a time....
LOL
there was a strawberry called Geraldine
emily ! says (11:48 PM):
Good start
andrew says (11:49 PM):
Geraldine was a pretty strawberry
long, wavy green leaves
smooth, round seed/nipple thingies.
But
Little did she know
emily ! says (11:49 PM):
strange. Continue.
andrew says (11:50 PM):
She was not the most normal strawberry in the cupboard
Not to mention it not being entirely the most normal thing
to have strawberries growing in a cupboard
but it was a narnia cupboard and it was hardcore and stuff
anyway
The reason for this
was because
Geraldine was actually a llama
wearing a strawberry suit
not just a llama
emily ! says (11:51 PM):
... LOL
andrew says (11:51 PM):
but a plastic midget llama
this was an unusual disorder from birth
not very common
anyyyyywaaaayyyy
emily ! says (11:52 PM):
AHHAAHHAHA LOLLLL
Reminds me of something..
andrew says (11:52 PM):
Geraldine was often teased because of her plasticky midget llama origins
The other strawberries would often be like
OMG BRO WTF ESHAYZZZ WE GNA ROLL YOU LLAMA BIATCH
Which dearly hurt her feelings
So
One day
Geraldine and her best friend, poppycock the premature ejaculation moth
went to visit a strange, old man
little did they know
emily ! says (11:54 PM):
.... o____O
andrew says (11:54 PM):
he wasnt actually a man
he was also a plastic llama strawberry thing
anyway
they hit it off
and had many many small babies
even though there was like a 4 week age difference
emily ! says (11:54 PM):
..
andrew says (11:55 PM):
(thats a lot for a strawberry)
and they also adopted poppycock
but
when their children hatched from their dragon eggs
they werent in fact plastic llama strawberries
they were actually avocadoes
so they had a divine feast
emily ! says (11:55 PM):
This is a twisted story.. LOL
andrew says (11:55 PM):
and everyone was happy
the END.

28.

Heh.

This one above was sposed to be directed at Emily and Alvinn as they both supposedly have brain tumors, but I didn't realise the joke was that harsh. It's here anyway though. But youre both beautiful. LOL.

If Ms Nicholls has/had a family, I think the above would be an accurate representation.

The above reminds me of my jokes. The puns that is. COS THEYRE FUNNY. Today people "dust" didn't seem to think so.

Double Heh.

Reminds me of something DANIEL would say.

alvinn says (8:43 PM):
Lol, Andrew. Life is one big comic strip

Starts with a fuck
Hell, i don't know where i'm going with that

*

These things just have a way of describing everything dont they?

Anonymous #2

Well I thought it was bad enough the first time, but turns out a boring Saturday night can bring out the worse in all of us. Here's Anonymous Blog #2, with a twist.

ONE: You are really quite special, I will never tire of the packets of joy you come in. Especially the tubes- I really love your tubes. Although youre more fun when you're fresh and hot, I dont mind having you the day after, it's all part of the experience really. I also love that you're full of dough.

TWO: Your long, hard wood just can't be described with words. Im sorry for the time I pounded you against the bathtub, but it was just all too exciting. My love for you extends far beyond that smooth nut of yours, it is very much more. Im not too fond that you lack the F-holes some of your relatives possess, but then again, nobody is perfect. I can express my true feelings on you more than I can possibly do on anything else.

THREE: Sometimes I wish you had a longer jack, but then I realise that you already give me so much more than I could ask for, and ask for nothing in return but a rest up for the next time I plug into you. I hope you never die.

FOUR: Things haven't been great lately. I get really angry when you won't let me sit on you all through the night, and when I do get angry I hit you, and throw you. I need you to know that the reason I do this is because I really could not live without you, and I hope things get better soon.

FIVE: You really help me every day, especially at this time of the year. When I rub my nose on you, the relief I get is just so... sensual? Sometimes when this happens, the stuff doesnt always come out, and it might seem like a waste, but I don't mind. A second spent touching you is one I always savour.

SIX: I haven't been on you for a while now, but when I am, I really enjoy it. You truly have the sweetest juice I have ever tasted. Even though I can't taste the sugar in the back of my throat, I always know it's there, and I thank you for that.

SEVEN: Most people think you're very kinky, and think less of me for that, but when it comes down to it, that's really just the way I like it. I can't think of anything I like to slip into more every night. Im getting bigger now and I don't exactly fit in you all the time, but it's worth squeezing to get inside of you.

EIGHT: Having you in my mouth is just the best feeling ever. Once you're there I just cant stop, I always want more of you. People might think that a bit unhealthy in many ways, and there are diseases that I could get from that, but I think that I can be safe with you and prevent that from happening, even if I do swallow every time. You make me really happy.

NINE: I start almost every morning with you. Being able to cover you in my light, creamy milk just makes me smile so much. Then comes the sugar. I'll give you some sugar anytime, sometimes it might be a little too much, but I think it's appropriate considering how dear you are to me. Once you've soaked up all that milk, we really get down to business. Shoving you in there so hard and quick to get to school on time might hurt you, but I think it works better for us that way. If I spent too much time on you, I think I might get a little bored, although with my family, you usually don't last very long anyway.

TEN: We have been together longer than all my other anonymous friends. From the beginning, you were always quite boring, having you on me was just so standard and simple. But then I got to year 8, and you really started to bloom. I don't if it was hormones or just my attitude, because thats a time when we all start to go through some changes, but you just stood out. Now you are one of the things that makes me myself. Some people call us names like faggot when we're together, but I can't let that get to me, you're too important for me to worry about that. I love how you are so multicoloured now, youve bloomed into an interracial sex party really. I think we will have a lot of good times to come, and that you will go through some changes soon, but youre always the same to me. I love you.

And that's it.
If you would like some similar reading I encourage you all to check out Emily's blog from around this time.
Yay for fucked up anonymous posts!!
BTW Daniel isn't ten. ><

27

For those of you who haven't noticed, I have a widget thingo of Mr. T quotes. Is pretty rad yeah??

Lol at Emily-

Emily: OMFGOSH ROFL LOL KATRINA.

GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT?

Andrew: what?

Emily: I had a baby.

o________o

26?

Excuses guys give for not using condoms:

-It doesn't fit.

-I need them for other people.

-I have new socks.

-I don't like it.

-Pool party tomorrow and I'm bringing the water bombs.

-Too expensive because of GFC (the F stands for food).

-Too dull because of GFC (the F stands for flavour).

Yeah. I dunno why I included that. It's courtesy of myself, Luke and Daniel.

Eep.

25

I havent blogged in six days. If I was a New Zealander I would have said "sex days" and you would all laugh. Except I'm not. Also people talking and typing are two different things. Good thinking there. Why did I even bother typing that. And now I'm just going on about it and making myself look even more stupid. Gosh.

I dont really have anything to talk about? I haven't done any homework and I don't intend to. I think I will just write more potential music for our next assessment and practice my Darth Vader voice for play-reading in English. Not that my character is particularly evil or anything, it just makes things interesting. LUKE STOP MAKING BREATHING NOISES IN THE BACKGROUND!! Otherwise I'll pause and everyone will hear you and think to themselves a reason why your hands are under the table! What fun that will be biatch.

This Saturday Daniel and I are going to Macarthur to pick up girls I MEAN WATCH A MOVIE. 0___0. District 9 it is. A documentary about alien slums in Africa or something? Looks sick. Our first movie outing as FIFTEEN YEAR OLD'S.

Oh and also I should mention my Sea Monkeys died. About a week ago. Heh. My theory is that cannibalistic Emily (I capitalised your name!) Sea Monkey ate her small, tasty accomplices, and then spontaneously combusted. Anyway yeah I'm really sad.

"emily: man you're gonna be a bad parent if you can't even raise sea monkeys"

Argh.

24

Today is Monday. This means tomorrow is Tuesday and hopefully (according to my calculations) the next day should be Wednesday. I spent a while working that out so I hope it's right.

Well, yesterday was fathers day, which prompted me to spend time with my father, funnily enough. Here is a brief rundown, IN COMIC FORM!

Hah. I wish. We just spent two hours getting lost in the shire. Then went to a rockabilly motor show full of old fat people with tattoos/ Awesome eh?

Hrmm. Today me and Emily went to go to the uniform shop with Luke, and he didnt even buy anything. But on the way there Emily scared the shit out of some year seveners by stalking them, jumping them, touching them and stealing their bags. Afterwards we realised one of them might have been JIMOTHY, aforementioned. We shall track him down. Then afterwards there was a guy walking with his bag, and I thought he was a horse. Which I think was perfectly logical. And yeah. That was monday.

I wrote two songs this afternoon. Go me.

Ditto the last blog title I made.

I havent blogged in four days, so here is an update of my recent doings:

.



Jokes. Although I can't remember much. Wednesday was boring. We lost ten nil in hockey. Which is almost an improvement. I wont comment on that.

Thursday was Jewish museum, or as I like to call it, the "Jewseum". It was quite sombre and peaceful, which makes me feel bad because I laughed out loud a few times. Although nothing can quite compare to Emily squeaking in the middle of the speech of a Holocaust survivor because the old woman made a joke, and it took about an extra minute for Emily to get the joke. Go figure. But then she slept. So did George, practically on my shoulder. And Ms Nicholls was smiling evil-ly as the old woman described the terror in the ghettos of Poland, and I could have sworn I saw her glance at Avi once or twice.

Friday was average. We get Miss Sayed back next week. Words cannot describe my joy. Except for joy. Thats a pretty accurate description. Provided in a single word. And not only is it a word, it is a word with only THREE LETTERS. What a compact and useful piece of the English language. God bless joy. Then I went to Macarthur and bought my dad a fathers day present. And got shoes. And a magazine and a milkshake. Which then prompted me to read the magazine whilst drinking the milkshake. I think that was a fairly responsible use for the two.

Today is Saturday. It is alright. I found the last of my ag weeds. And my sister helped me. Then I had an ice block and played basketball. Then I showered and now im blogging. Yeah. Id be in a good mood, but my grandfather passed the other day, and I just found out he had a younger gold digging girlfriend that sexed him into leaving her almost a million dollars of property and such. Family ain't too happy. But what do you do hey? Who knows.

It is sunny. Theres a hole in the back of our shed. And I poked it and it got bigger. Heh.

Anyway, have a nice weekend anyone who is reading this.

I can't think of titles any more. Why so?

Today was Tuesday. I was made aware of this startling fact this morning, when my eyes were drawn upon my calendar. It's September now, which for me, means a Surf Green Fender Custom Shop 67' Heavy Relic Telecaster. I could sit here and describe it for the next 5 hours and thirty-eight minutes, but why do that when Alvinn could do it for me.

Out of todays six periods, only two actually involved "work". They also involved substitutes, which means "little to no work". Fkn awesome I say. And English brought joy when our class was left without a teacher for the whole period. We hoped for the best, which basically involved Nicholls' finally carking it. But that didnt happen. What was worse was at lunch when I had to hand her an apology letter and, SHAKE HER HAND. If my blog had a poll it would now involve the question "What sharp implement should I use to cleanse my skin of this filth?". I was thinking a grater, but I will take any suggestions on board.

But yes. English. Most of the time was spent listening to Lisa's stories, including the one about how her dog "Oreo" follows her around in the afternoon. Darn I wouldn't be complaining myself if I was constantly being followed by a tasty biscuit treat, some people just take things for granted...

So yeah. I was convinced that Ski Camp would completely bore-ify school, but it actually got better. No offense to anyone, probably just because it was a bludge of a day. I still miss you guys.

Lately I have been reading Cyanide and Happiness comics like, ritualistically. Ive gotten through almost 600 of them. What is wrong with my life??

So gonna be what I say next time someone is cold. Hah.

Double LOL. Hah.

For all those yet to be enlightened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBJV56WUDng

psmwpspauz,upggu9oqt,gzmfmp97xMG,Z

Emily: "It's really hard Jimmy Zhu!"
Myself: thats what she said.

Best call, ever.

Not really.
I dont know?

Yeah. Country fair was good. Good job to Jenny/Danica/Troy and all the other people i was bothered to watch. Kinda.

Thats about it, jumping castle was like, mega fun too. The whole like hour and a half we were on there. And Daniel on the velcro wall hahaha like most embarrasing thing ever, but funny. I would post it on youtube but i cant be bothered.

Eh. lahmrqg,zxpq/

My brain hurts.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Obvious much?

andrew says (8:27 PM):
mcdonalds guess who ftw
emily ! says (8:28 PM):
WAITING FOR ANDREW
andrew says (8:28 PM):
waiting for emily !
emily ! says (8:29 PM):
im daniel
mwahahhaa
and im black
LOL
and i have blonde hair
haha
andrew says (8:29 PM):
arent you spoed to not tell me that
emily ! says (8:29 PM):
WAIT
LOL
HAHAHA
DAMMIT
andrew says (8:29 PM):
LOL
HAHAHAHAHA
nice job emily
nice job
the point of guess who
is that im sposed to guess

Yes. That was fun. Good playing something involving mcdonalds which can't physically harm you.
As some of you may know i had a 6th birthday party at mcdonalds, and as we were walking in to take a tour of where the acne-ridden 14 year old's flip their frozen burger patties which apparently taste nice, i was showered with hot frying oil from some twat who doesnt know how to safely handle the metal thing you put chips in. Hot, burning, oily chips. Best birthday ever. Like the one 3 years ago when my friend had a car accident on the way to my house. Oh well, paintball next year, that will surely be a much safer experience. Heh.

6789998212.

Yeah, sea monkeys. whoop whoop. The one on the left is from like ages ago and the one on the right is today. I dont know why im still posting pictures cos you cant really see them. But theyre in there i assure you. Theyre just...small. Cept Emily sea monkey, but that one is so pro it can go invisible, so we cant see it either. Stealthy eh..

Well yeah. Continued from yesterday's post on "tail shops" I present to you a picture which Emily kindly drew for me today. It will surely help you to spot one.

Tis' massively cool. Thanks Emily :D

Tails include:

Fox tail

Shaggy tail

Sheep tail (yes it isnt just for people who wanna be dogs, unless you want to be a sheepdog HAH)

Poodle tail

Long tail

Big tail

Classic tail

Curly tail

Elephant tail

Small fluffy ball tail

Fairy tail

Jumbo connector 2000 tail

Fast tail

Horse tail

Light saber tail FTW.

Wierd tail

Fluffy tail

Crocodile tail

Fire tail

AND Dinosaur tail.

I never thought I would have met anyone who could possibly think of so many tails. Pretty fucking astounding I say. Good job.

Oh and I apparently wear triangles often, as indicated in the picture. That was the only thing i didnt quite understand. Maybe i dont notice what i wear often enough to realise its a triangle..

P.S. I ALSO FUCKING HATE MS NICHOLLS.

Like to hear what shes got to say when she finds this on her desk:

Are you serious miss, this is CRAP

No-one in the class actually wants to rap

I know that youre thinking "this is fun"

But id rather catch chlamydia or have the runs.

Thanks Luke for the material. I owe you. Sorry i actually gave it to her though LOL.

Note to self.

1. There are shops located around Australia which just sell tails for people wishing to turn into dogs. These obviously named "Tail Shops" cater for a wide variety of breeds, with display tails wagging around all over the walls. Let me know if you spot one people. - courtesy of Emily. (what a surprise there :) )

2. Apparently you can turn a pocket pc into a Kaoss pad. LOL I'd love to see that happen Alvinn.

3. Luke is directly related to E.T.- The ExtraTerrestrial. He lives with his BROTHER Elliot and his magical flying bike. -Emily.

4. WHAT THE FUCK DOES 6789998212 MEAN? I've been informed by Emily it means "hehehee" but I doubt it. Don't tease me if I use it in normal conversation instead of laughing..

5. Daniel is so cool and awesome he doesn't even need to rhyme or finish his rap.

6. The only way to practice playing Creep by Radiohead is to masturbate really fast- Alvinn.

7. Theres a reason why you only type "stewardesses" with your left hand.- Alvinn.

Thats it for today. I might do this more often so I can remember this stuff.
P.S. I FUCKING HATE MS NICHOLLS.

When I say dry streak, I mean I don't wash my hands.

It was the weekend today, AND YESTERDAY. What joy ! I went to some club in Cabramatta or something for my friends dads birthday. Which is cool cos that means drinking, which in turn means whacked stories about firing people because they smelt like shit, and being able to ask for any amount of money to waste on pinball machines. Afterwards I ventured back to my friend's house. His name is Josh. He plays harmonica and collects knives. I learnt a massively cool card trick. Then I spent today writing music I might use for our next music assessment and failblog/bash.org-ing. Twas good.

Country fair is next weekend. I'm actually half-excited for once. Me and Daniel have agreed o meet up early and buy Batman walkie-talkies before some undeserving children lay their hands on them. Then me might try stalk Mr. Peck if he's there. WEAR YOUR CUBINATOR SHIRT DANIEL. Yeah.

bash.org - FUNNIEST THING EVER.

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches."

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Anonymous?

Well I hate to do this to all of you who thought I had enough testicles to physically restrain myself from doing girly anonymous blogs, but i've been thinking a lot lately and I think it's probably a good idea to make these sort of things, a lot people in this blog will probably never read it but that's alright. Just so you know about a third of these people either don't go to Hurlstone or are animals. Yes, thats right, animals. I'll probably seclude myself from the internet for the rest of the weekend as I need to pick weeds for my ag assignment, mock my sister with food as she is participating in the 40-hour famine (who could resist?) and then i'll probably do something half useful like write music or throw things at other things. Anyway:

ONE: I don't really talk to you much anymore, which sometimes is a good thing because you must be one of the most disturbed and annoying people ever. But you have always been a great friend and we seem to have a lot in common sometimes, you have a really diverse respect for music and I respect you for that in turn. Good job.
TWO: You are quite possibly the most strange little person I have ever met, and I am so glad to have been friends with you the last what, 5 years? I think it's awesome we're still in contact, and even though your new friends are kind of not my type, I am always happy to spend time with you and your Pizza Hut cap. Im sure you will grow one day and tower over all of us, but until then, you're a bigger man on the inside than anyone I know.
THREE: We used to pretty "tight" I guess. You are extremely lame sometimes and seriously have girl problems, but you have always seemed to trust me and I will always be happy to help you and trust you back. I hope one day my transport arrangements allow for us to be friends like we used to be, if that makes sense.
FOUR: You are absolutely the lamest but funniest person I know, sometimes you just dont make sense but a lot of the time we share a really childish and punny sense of humour. You don't really seem to understand relationships and such and tend to be bit childish when it comes to girls and such but I think that will pass. Until then I guess it's alright to have someone who is just happy to be a carefree and devoted friend. I can't possibly imagine what things would be like if we hadn't met in year seven.
FIVE: You are like, my soul buddy. You may be inherently evil and vicious but you have always been there with me to know that i'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder if you can really understand me, but at the end of the day it doesnt matter, you have brightened up the last 4 and a half years of my life and I hope you continue to do so for much much longer. I don't think I would ever be able to replace you.
SIX: You are one of the most fun to be with girls I have ever met, and I absolutely hate that we see each other no more than once or twice a year. We have been friends basically our whole lives and I would have feelings for you if it werent for one slightly disturbing flaw, man that would be wierd. You're freaking awesome, cept for when you laughed at my 4yo cousin running me into a pole and tearing my leg. But i dont really blame you. Hehehe.
SEVEN: You are fucking hilarious. Fucking disturbed. And fucking fun to talk to about guitars. You have taught me an incredible amount of shit and introduced me to new ideas. Im grateful for you always listening to me and accepting my "ideas"? I'll be sure to miss your company soon but im sure our gear obsession will acquaint us in the future. You are probably the most unique person I know and I think you should embrace that because you have a great personality. Peace out dude.
EIGHT: Man we have been friends for a fair while now, and one day when we aren't together on the basis we always have been, it will be really wierd. Because you have other friends and I needa accept that. We seem to be quite different people with not a terrible lot in common, but that just makes us a more interesting pair of friends I think. You're like one of/my best friend and I'm so glad we have always been able to trust each other and reconcile when we have disagreements. You're a bit of a girl sometimes but that's okay. So am I, I guess.
NINE: We are like, so incredibly different. And I have no idea how we have been friends for so long, but I dont care because you are so kind and trustworthy. We've fought tonnes of times before but we have always been able to accept our differences in the end and I think that has made us more mature. I hope we never lose contact, EVER.
TEN: I probably make a big deal out of you but you do mean a lot to me, and I hope you turn out a lot like number FIVE.
ELEVEN: You are like, massively funny, and probably on some kind of drugs. I hope not but god who knows. We used to talk a lot a bit like number THREE. Its a shame we dont really anymore, but a second spent talking to you is certainly a worthwhile one.
TWELVE: I have no idea what to say here. It's massively wierd. We've known each other for a couple years now and we've always been friends in some way. We fell out a bit sometime and to be honest i dont remember when, but im really sorry if I said anything that made you feel bad. We never really got to talk about it and I regret not doing so, I guess i was just nervous confused etc. Point is that I have always tried to side with you even when a lot of people didnt like you and im glad i did so because you are one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and I mean that. Anyway, lately things have been really great. I think you have matured incredibly over the last, 6 months maybe? Although sometimes you do things that are just....wierd. But it's not like I can talk. I care about you and so do a lot of other people and I am proud of you for always being yourself, and making responsible decisions, not just doing things because theyre "cool". You' are the most amazing, awkward, funny and PUBLICLY EMBARRASSING girl I have ever known. This must be the most stupidly obvious anonymous blog ever but who cares.

Im off to go...do stuff. Have a nice weekend everyone.

What happens when your parents can't supply you with clean water....

Alright, so i've decided to make an attempt at a blog completely free of sexual innuendo. Heh, ENDO. Wish me luck.

This first brings me to recount a story of a small, lonely child. A child so lonely and small his parents wouldn't even supply him with water to wash himself. Since we are yet to discover his true identity, he will be referred to as Jimothy for the remainder of this blog.

Once upon a time, little Jimothy arrived at school. But OH NO, his feet were dirty. So upon leaving his period 4 history class in room 16, Jimothy waited for the corridor to clear for him to wash his feet in the conveniently placed sink which no-one has any idea what it's for.

Jimothy had it all planned out, his feet were to be squeaky clean, if it weren't for one fatal flaw..

A group of myself, Brother Lucas Wesley "Wezzles" Prior, and Squeaky found ourselves hopelessly meandering through this corridor for a reason I don't entirely remember. As Wezzles and I paused to avert out eyes upon a comic strip on the wall, Squeaky fulfilled her namesake in practically exploding in seizure as she laid her eyes upon Jimothy during his foot-bath. As expected from Emily's long history of talking to/intimidating small children, she proceeded to question Jimothy's bathing habit. It would have been a successful endeavour if it were not for the whole seizure thing. What was meant to be a simple intimidating squeal turned into an array of disturbing noises which can only be compared to say, Daniel at a Pokemon convention. This resulted in Squeaky being restrained and returned to her cage, as per normal. Whilst i tried to apologise to the small child, I could not help but laugh too, because yknow, WHO WASHES THEIR FEET IN A SINK AT SCHOOL. Upon us leaving, we made the sudden realisation of something so obvious at the time- Jimothy and his unnamed friend were in fact cleansing themselves prior to performing a religious ritual, where Jimothy would make human sacrifice of his small and meaty friend. We have since returned several weeks later, but found no evidence of their being, apart from a small pair of "light lilac" scissors, now in the possession of Mr. Geerling.

I will now include a picture of this occurence, please do not hesitate to contact any one of us if you find this child. There may be other small, tasty, naive boys awaiting their own sacrifice...

Thanks in advance for any help you may provide.

On another note, I am now prompted to say:
emily jane cannings owned me, andrew guy formica, in an epic nudge battle.

It's true. I have been completely and utterly annihilated in a nudging battle of the highest accord. Apart from being mentally disturbed (good thing), ninja, good at throwing things in the bin and missing because she doesnt want to make anyone else feel bad about their own throwing, ace at intimidating small people and accidentally flinging rubber bands at them whilst trying to skin herself of freckles, and proud owner of the hottest bangs in the country, she is now a champion of yet another highly acclaimed sport. I congratulate you and I hope your mentos taste like victory.

PS you owe me sausage biscuits.

Part 2.

alvinn says (8:03 PM):
Naming guitars, okay
alvinn says (8:03 PM):
Naming penises, gay.
andrew says (8:05 PM):
how !
alvinn says (8:05 PM):
Well, it seems so...i don't know
alvinn says (8:06 PM):
Womanising?
alvinn says (8:06 PM):
For some reason
andrew says (8:06 PM):
oh
andrew says (8:06 PM):
id like to name mine jeffrey
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
Bahahahaha
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
Um.
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
Hi jeffrey?
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
Wait
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
No
alvinn says (8:07 PM):
I am not talking to your penis.
andrew says (8:08 PM):
oh my
andrew says (8:08 PM):
well
andrew says (8:09 PM):
jeffrey says *discharge*
alvinn says (8:09 PM):
Scarred for life.

Just thought you'd like to know.

andrew says (6:17 PM):
i dunno what to say though
andrew says (6:17 PM):
you basically said it for me
alvinn says (6:17 PM):
Hahaha, no worries
alvinn says (6:17 PM):
Just add anything else you remember
andrew says (6:18 PM):
i dont really remember anything apart from the big poof noise and emily smearing cream in my face
alvinn says (6:19 PM):
Shouldn't it be the other way round
andrew says (6:19 PM):
OH MY GOD
alvinn says (6:20 PM):
Get someee
andrew says (6:21 PM):
That was one of the funniest/wrongest sex jokes youve made in a long time
alvinn says (6:22 PM):
Thank you, thank you
andrew says (6:22 PM):
anytime, anytime
andrew says (6:22 PM):
oh man
andrew says (6:22 PM):
thatll take a while to digest
alvinn says (6:22 PM):
Yeah, her too...
andrew says (6:22 PM):
ARGH
alvinn says (6:23 PM):
I'm on fire

Chapter 3: I'm Running Out Of Lame-ass Chapter Names And I'm Only Up To 3

Alright well, when I was away, my tank magically spawned these gooey little blob things. The first of which i shall name: Emily. See for yourselves...

Amazing innit? How fast they can grow in 3 days. If she lives up to her namesake maybe this sea monkey will spawn a six pack and the frequency range of the "bastard child of an ultrasound transducer" - (Quote from Alvinn). I wish thou sea monkey a long and prosperous life and when another grows big enough to be named Alvino or Alvina (depending on whether Alvinn is listening to John Mayer at the time) i will sure to document Emily sea monkey bashing the shit out of him/her.

I am now void of sea monkeys due to my lack of mother who drives legally enough to transport a Sea Monkey tank, so my updates and photos will be limited this week. God i can feel the withdrawal symptoms already. Wish me luck....

Yeah,

I went to like, queensland for 3 days, cos like, yeah. And it sucked cos i had to eat takeout like every meal and for some reason i decided to down 3 whole anchovys. I thought if I could handle mixing cake and pee I could eat something which contains more salt than you would find in the average household pool. Yeah. That was boring. Oh well sea monkeys next, you'll be pissing yourself with excitement. (Directed to Alvinn and Emily as they stand over the toilet bowl with Mint Slices).

ATTENTION.

Well, as some of you may know, I recently invented what I like to refer to as "The Sport Of The Future". I like to call it "Biscuit Peeing". The idea originated when one rainy day I was caught between eating a biscuit and going to the loo. How, i'm not quite sure, but the point is, it was fun.
Yes, thats right, FUN. I even like saying the word fun. FUN FUN FUN. Anyway as you can guess, this game basically consists of consuming an article of food whilst going to the toilet. Standing up, sitting down, eating biscuits, weet bix or uhh, migoreng, the game works for everyone in a different and unique way, making it fun for everyone. I urge you all to commence immediately as I would hate to see you all left out when it becomes a worldwide phenomenon.

Current players include:
Myself, of course.
Nikkida- been there for the idea since the start, couldnt have done it without you.
Alvinn- because he is a crazy bastard who has nothing better to do.
And our newest member- EMILY. Recently informed of the game, she has welcomed it honorably and is participating at a rate of about 5 rounds per day. Well done you bright little sausage :)

Chapter 2: And Now We Wait..

As you all may well know and be horribly worried about, last night upon the fertilisation of the eggs, my Sea Monkey tank proceeded to turn blue. I decided to wait til morning, when i was to call a vet if this eerie blue mist had not cleared.

I was beginning to think this was the work of my fiendish budgerigar, Flurry. You could see it in his beady little budgie eyes.
Fortunately, upon my waking, the mist had cleared enough to subdue my worries.
And now, we wait for the eggs to hatch. Or, as Emily says, a massive explosion will occur out of nowhere and the Sea Monkey babies will magically appear. You never know....

I Was Surprised Too.

emily ! says (10:20 PM):
so
emily ! says (10:21 PM):
new topic
andrew says (10:21 PM):
no wth were talking about cake
alvinn says (10:21 PM):
I thought we were talking about emily not wearing clothes
andrew says (10:21 PM):
no that would be me without the clothes
alvinn says (10:22 PM):
Mm. Tempting, but emily still wins out in the 'who would alvinn prefer to see without clothes contest' only by just though. Sorry to do this to you.

On another note.

I will hereby make my last mention of emily EVER, as she is getting too cocky for her own good. LOL COCKY. And here it is:

We are both in the same aerobics group at curves, therefore we are together. There. Done. Goodbye?

Chapter 1: Purification

I welcome you to the beginning of my hopefully long and prosperous SEA MONKEY journey. In the first instalment I shall begin with my mission statement, courtesy of whoever wrote it.



WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF AMAZING LIVE SEA MONKEYS(R)

You are about to begin a NEW amazing hobby that is so fantastic, it STAGGERS THE IMAGINATION! With only water and the "crystals" in your Sea-Monkey(R) kit, you will create INSTANT-LIFE(R)! Yes, single-handedly you will raise up the worlds only living, breathing, INSTANT-PETS(R)--- Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys(R)! With the act of giving your Sea-Monkeys(R) life, you join in the immensely rewarding experience of fellow hobbyists throughout the world! As a creator of Sea-Monkeys(R), you share with them, the knowledge that through your willingness to explore the unknown, you have stepped across the threshold of one of the strangest worlds of tomorrow's science ... TODAY!



Nextly, my progress. As of yesterday I have emptied the famed "Packet 1- Water Purifier" into my Sea Monkey lair.

Cover your eyes if you arent quite up to the excitement, i assure you its quite astounding.

I have now emptied the Instant Live Egg packet into the purest of purely purified water, where over the next day or two, my army will spawn. I have already been advised to call one Emily, anyone else looking for a dedicated Monkey, just ask.

And You Thought You Gave Me A Great Birthday Reception

As many of you may know, I celebrated a birthday like yesterday or something, and according to Emily, today as well because yknow, "I'm more suited to the 11th". Which is strange but HEY, who could complain about having two birthdays. Anyway, on Sunday I went on adventure to my relatives house in VOYAGER POINT. Where i had a joint birthday celebration with my uncle, who is on the 5th. Upon this occasion i recieved possibly the most skilled birthday card in like, ever.. (Sorry Emily and Alvinn and Cheryl yours were mad too). BUT who could beat this?

ITS A FREAKING DRAGON. (Not a St. George one, that would come under the heading "FAIL".) But this dragon is I believe, up there with greats. EXAMPLE, spyro, dragonite and that bird thingy from Deltora Quest. I rest my case.

Jeans For Genes Day

First post hey? Didn't want to stuff around with all that first timer bollocks so I thought I would start off with a slice of last week. As you all know, Jeans for Genes Day is when everybody gives the SRC money for no other reason than to wear clothes to school, lucky people we are. Sometime during the day, this happened, and im glad I dont particularly remember it all that well. All i can say is, Emily.

Only other thing I remember there is I somehow hopped onto Alvinn's back. Yet again, I wont go into detail.